Sluts Galore

Jessica Wakeman wants us all to know that there are different kinds of sluts. There is a whole variety. Take you pick. You don’t have to settle for just one.

In fact, Wakeman identifies five different kinds of sluts.

Proud slut that she is, Wakeman is discomfited by the possibility that you might mistake her good kind of sluttiness for the bad kind that some other women are displaying. I suspect that Wakeman is thinking that these bad sluts are giving sluthood a bad name.

In some circles this passes for serious thought. I am going to review it because otherwise when I criticize feminism you might think that I am attacking a straw woman, a mere caricature.

In truth, feminist thinking is much worse than even I imagine. I could not have made it up.

If it was just there for the entertainment value, that would be one thing. But since Wakeman pretends to offer something like moral thinking, she is also trying to influence other women.

Wakeman insists that she is not being judgmental. It’s OK for her if some young woman wants to be the wrong kind of of slut. But still, as you read her descriptions, you discover that she is being rather judgmental.

More important for me is the set of principles that define good and bad sluts, or, should I say, healthy and unhealthy sluts.

Wakeman differentiates good and bad by intensity of sexual appetite and the ability to experience a lot of sexual pleasure. Desire and enjoyment are the criteria that distinguish good and bad sluts.

I am not surprised. These principles define the ethic of the therapy culture. If you really, really want it, you must do it. If you have any doubts about whether or not you really, really want it, your ability to enjoy it fully will answer the question.

As moral principles go, these are appalling. But, let’s look at Wakeman’s analysis, the better to see why.

Apparently, a slutty Wakeman and her slutty girlfriend have decided to use the term “slut” only when it has a positive connotation. I imagine that they learned this from the current folly called slutwalks.

Wakeman and her friend remind me of identical twins who have invented their own private and personal language, the kind that no one else can understand.

Wakeman writes: “This girl friend and I are always tongue-in-cheek calling ourselves ‘sluts’ because we love and enjoy sex and seek it out for pleasure the way that men do. ‘Why are you being pejorative about sluts all of a sudden?’ I asked her.”

Her girlfriend replied:“I’m not being pejorative about all sluts ....I just think there’s different kinds of sluts. I f**k guys because I like f**king. She f**ks them despite not actually enjoying it’.”

So, we have learned that some sluts like to have sex. And that they are doing what they are doing because they want to emulate male behavior..

I would add that when it comes to sex, Wakeman has one thing in common with men: she is not thinking with her mind.

Of course, if this view of male behavior is a caricature-- as I suspect it is-- then Wakeman has managed to make her behavior conform to a demeaning caricature of men.

Another demerit for feminism.

Wakeman has a right to pretend that she is a man. One wonders how she and her friends will feel when it dawns on them that they have been living a lie.

And what will happen when they discover that advertising your sluttiness on a popular website does not enhance your reputation or make you good relationship material.

One suspects that Wakeman’s attitude toward sex has something to do with the fact that she has taken herself out of the relationship market. If so, then her sluttiness is merely a compensation for a failure to form durable relationships.

In the meantime, Wakeman defines good sluts as women who want sex so badly that they will do anything they can to get it.

She says: “To my mind, this is the true definition of ‘slut’: a woman who loves sex and ain’t nobody going to stop her from getting what she wants! It’s not easy out there for a lady who loves sex. She’ll be tarred and feathered as ‘irresponsible,’ ‘greedy,’ ‘crazy,” and of course, a ‘slut’ in the pejorative sense....She’ll be astounded that other people have such a hard time believing that she genuinely just loves sex. Deep down she knows she has sex for her own pleasure — not any other reason — and that’s enough for her. But it would be nice sometimes if other people got it, too.”

What’s wrong with this picture? A lot. Wakeman does not differentiate between loving sex and loving the man with whom she is having sex.

She has nothing to say about relationships, which, as most people know, are often an excellent source of repeated sexual acts with someone you know and trust.

Her definition of non-pejorative sluthood is mechanical... to the point where one wonders why she needs a partner at all. Except perhaps for the ego boost.

Or, look at it differently. What if it should happen that a woman who really, really likes sex, and who really, really enjoys it also likes getting paid for it?

Surely, this does happen. What would Wakeman say about her?

Next Wakeman moves on to the bad sluts, the ones who are doing it for all the wrong reeasons.

First are those women who are hooking up too much because they think that it will improve their mental health. One suspects that Wakeman herself is embracing her good sluthood because she feels better about herself for getting what she really, really wants, and... by the way... getting off in the process.

Women who are not as healthy as Wakeman do it for the wrong reasons. For example: “One of the worst reasons of all is to sleep around because you think it will make your people like you. A lot of us figure out in high school, college, or right after college that just because someone has sex with you is no guarantee they like you, or even care about you. Sadly, there’s a fair number of women whose self-esteem is such a wreck that they’ll sleep around to try to feel better about themselves.”

Then there is the rebellious young woman who is trying to make a point about her independence or autonomy and who just wants to piss people off.

Wakeman describes her: “You don’t have to look much further than her repressed childhood and adolescence to see why this gal is putting notches on her bedpost. “Women are evil” and “sex is bad” are probably two of the teachings that she’s shaking off. Is it a good idea to rebel against Mom, Dad or Pastor Joe by sleeping with the entire state of Rhode Island? It’s hard to say. Maybe this is something she genuinely wants to do. Maybe this is something she’s just doing to piss people off. It’s best to assess rebellious sluts on a case-by-case basis. But to these sluts, I have to salute you for thinking for yourselves!”

One doubts that rebelliousness is sufficient reason for this kind of self-slutification, but Wakeman thinks it’s more-or-less OK, because, after all, she might really enjoy the sex.

I suppose that one can enjoy sex even when it is being performed for reasons that have nothing to do with desire. Wakeman thinks so, but she is wrong to say that these sluts are thinking for themselves. Their thought is a function of what their parents or communities believe.

It is neither independent or autonomous; it is purely a reaction to someone or something else.

And then there is another kind of slut who has just discovered what turns her or gets her off. Once she discovers this, it’s like she has just discovered a new toy and cannot put it down.

Wakeman explains: “Maybe this slut just came out of the closet. Maybe she just realized she’s into BDSM. Maybe she’s found a position that finally feels good. Or maybe she’s slept with a guy who is doing her properly for the first time ever. Whatever her case, she’s f**king because everything is shiny and new and she just can’t get enough! The novelty may eventually wear off ... but then again, it may not. And that’s OK, too!”

Of course, if everything's OK, then nothing is really OK. I will refrain from commenting on BDSM or any other assorted kinks. But one wonders why this slut should not be classed among those sluts who just really love sex. The fact that it took her some time to figure out should not disqualify her from being the kind of slut that Jessica Wakeman respects.

Finally, in the lowest circle of this slutty inferno, we find the woman who sleeps her way to the top of the corporate ladder.

Wakeman does not exactly approve. She does not even imagine that this woman can really enjoy the sex that is advancing her career.

She writes: “Sleep with your boss. Fine. I don’t care. (Actually, don’t. That’s such a bad idea.) But don’t sleep around just to climb up the ladder at work or social groups. Unless she can be really careful and separate the guys she f**ks for advancement from the guys she f**ks for pleasure, she is playing with fire. She may one day wake up and realize she’s slept with gross guys and didn’t even enjoy it but had ‘gotten ahead,’ while other women have advanced based solely on their professional merits.”

If we follow Wakeman’s principles, why would it not be the case that the woman who is sleeping with her boss really, really loves sex and really, really enjoys sleeping with him?

And why shouldn’t she go after what she wants with as much gusto as Wakeman pursues sexual gratification?

If, however, you were to say that sex exchanged for a promotion cannot really be gratifying because it feels like mutual exploitation, then you would also be saying that sexual pleasure has something to do with the quality of the relationship.

And that would be very inconvenient for a Jessica Wakeman.