Rudeness begets rudeness. Watching someone who is rude tends
to make you act rudely. Being treated rudely makes you more likely to treat
someone else rudely. It happens automatically, without your even being aware of
it.
If this happens in personal interactions, does the same thing
happen when the media is constantly exposing us to people who are acting
rudely? And what happens when politicians behave boorishly? Do these examples
tend to make us behave more rudely toward others? Do they promote bullying and
other forms of assaultive disrespect?
And, what happens to the culture when politicians are rude
and disrespectful to members of the opposition party? What happens when they
show more contempt than courtesy, when they demonize each other? Ought we to
conclude that these political leaders undermine social harmony?
Also, some forms of psychotherapy, in particular Freudian
psychoanalysis involve systematic rudeness. When you refuse to look your
patient in the eye, when you refuse to take what he says at face value, when
you give him the silent treatment, you are being monumentally rude. Does this
promote good behavior or bad behavior? One must note that Freud would have
considered the latter to be more in touch with the fundamental truth of human
nature. See Janet Malcolm’s seminal essay: “Therapeutic Rudeness.”
Scientific
American reports on the research without drawing too many
conclusions and without applying the results to different cultural situations.
Which is well and good. We need to evaluate the data before drawing a conclusion.
Researchers from the University of Florida were not
surprised to discover that we tend to emulate our betters. If someone who has
fame and fortune and power acts like a boorish lout, he is inducing others to
do the same. If you associate certain behaviors with success, you will happily
adopt them. And yet, we also imitate and mirror behaviors when we are relating to our peers, to our colleagues or friends. And it does
not matter that much whether you have simply witnessed the rude behavior or
have been its target.
Let’s examine the Scientific American report on the research:
New research by
Trevor Foulk, Andrew Woolum, and Amir Erez at the University of Florida takes
that same first step in identifying a different kind of contagious menace:
rudeness. In a series of studies, Foulk and colleagues demonstrate that being
the target of rude behavior, or even simply witnessing rude behavior, induces
rudeness. People exposed to rude behavior tend to have concepts associated with
rudeness activated in their minds, and consequently may interpret ambiguous but
benign behaviors as rude. More significantly, they themselves are more likely
to behave rudely toward others, and to evoke hostility, negative affect, and
even revenge from others.
Prior studies had addressed the effect of emulation. We tend
to emulate our betters because we associate their behaviors with success. But,
the new research has shown that the imitation effect applies even with our
peers:
In
addition, in most previous studies the destructive behavior was modeled by
someone with a higher status than the observer. These extreme negative
behaviors may thus get repeated because (a) they are quite salient and (b) the
observer is consciously and intentionally trying to emulate the behavior of
someone with an elevated social status.
And,
Foulk
and colleagues wondered about low-intensity negative behaviors, the kind you
are likely to encounter in your everyday interactions with coworkers, clients,
customers, and peers. We spend far more of our time with coworkers and clients
than we do with supervisors, and so their actions, if contagious, are likely to
have a much broader effect on us. Evidence for negative contagion among peers
and customers might also suggest that there is more than one mode of infection.
We are far less likely to intentionally base our behavior on our customers than
we are on our bosses, and thus any behavioral contagion observed in these
settings is likely driven by unconscious, unintentional processes rather than
by purposeful imitation. Perhaps we can “catch” behaviors without even trying.
Being polite to your customers, your clients, your friends
and neighbors contributes to social harmony through the contagion effect. Being
rude induces rudeness in others, and it happens without one's being conscious of
the process:
These
findings suggest that exposure to rudeness seems to sensitize us to rude
concepts in a way that is not intentional or purposeful, but instead happens
automatically.
The researchers showed different videos to test subjects.
The subjects were then shown a rude email. Their reaction to the email was
colored significantly by the video they had seen:
However,
the type of video participants observed early in the study did affect their
interpretation of and response to the rude email. Those who had seen the polite
video adopted a benign interpretation of the moderately rude email and
delivered a neutral response, while those who had seen the rude video adopted a
malevolent interpretation and delivered a hostile response. Thus, observing
rude behaviors, even those committed by coworkers or peers, resulted in greater
sensitivity and heightened response to rudeness.
Therefore, it is not just about being treated rudely. You
will behave more rudely merely by witnessing bad behavior:
Collectively,
the data from Foulk and colleagues highlight the dangers of low-intensity
negative behaviors, even those that are merely witnessed rather than personally
experienced. With negative behaviors, the witness becomes the perpetrator, just
as the person who touches a doorknob recently handled by a flu sufferer can
themselves get sick and infect others. No conscious intent in necessary, and
the contagion may last for days. Unfortunately, unlike the flu, there currently
is no known inoculation for this contagion.
What conclusion can we draw? Perhaps the studies show that
we are prone to harmonize with others, even when their conversation amounts to
a cacophonous din. Surely, it is taxing to indulge in that level of rudeness,
but we seem to be programmed to get along with other people and to speak to
them in a language they understand. One suspects that people who adopt rude
behaviors are not trying to avenge themselves or to return the abuse as much as
to try to connect with someone who is behaving badly. Or else, they might be trying to adopt the posture that
seems to be socially acceptable.
What is the solution? Perhaps it lies in the Biblical
injunction: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Which is not the
same as: do unto others as others do unto you.
2 comments:
This is surely good as far as it goes, except for the problem perhaps that to degrees rudeness is "in the eye of the beholder."
The simplest definition of rudeness might be someone who puts their needs above others, BUT in order for you to be assertive, you risk implying your needs are more important than theirs, like the confused "microaggression" narrative. And the worst confusion is when your mind lies to you and you imagine not only are they offensive, but they are offensive on purpose, trying to upset you.
So the first step in dealing with rudeness is to be able to recognize when you're taking someone else's behavior personally, and "own" that reaction as your problem, not theirs.
And the instant you feel sure "other people have to change" in order for your feelings to be satisfied, you risk being a hypocrite, doing do others what you claim they're doing, hence "rudeness begetting rudeness."
So it would seem the first step to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind where ordinary small frustrations don't lead to you making other people responsible for your feelings.
Until you can gain that minimal level of emotional regulation, the whole question risks confusion and hypocrisy.
I have to say, I don't find SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN as scientific or as American as it was 40 years ago.
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