Thursday, May 21, 2020

He's about to Marry Bridezilla

This letter, written to Carolyn Hax, does not present any moral conundrums. It is as clear as day. The parent who writes the letter is facing a difficult situation, one that does not yield to an easy solution. Then again, the solution might be easier than we think.

Anyway, it’s about her son’s best friend’s wedding. Read it and prepare to be appalled:

Help! My son and his lifelong friend have had a falling-out. My son was invited to be the best man at his friend's wedding and started planning and securing clothing. The bride-to-be disapproved of my son for this role, so the invitation was withdrawn and the role of groomsman was offered instead.

My son declined, said it's best just to come to the wedding but not be in the wedding party. Bride-to-be said he was no longer invited to the wedding.

This friend was like an extra son to me — I cooked him more meals than I can count, took him on many trips with our family, coached his sports teams for years. Now it seems I'm invited to the wedding but my son is not. I have no idea what to do beyond urging my son to talk with his friend and get past this. Any wiser advice?

— Parent

Obviously, as Hax points out the bride is an abusive witch. I am happy to join Hax in calling bridezilla controlling, but words like abusive and controlling have been so overused that they no longer really mean anything. 

Being a normal adult, Hax offers normal adult advice. Keep the communications channels open. Have a talk with the groom to be. Personally, I would advise the mother-- I assume it’s a woman because she cooked a lot of dinners-- though the fact that she coached sports teams suggests otherwise-- not to attend the wedding and not to send a gift. In other words, cut all contacts-- ghost him.

As for Hax’s suggestion that the parent be nurturing, I consider this precisely the wrong approach. Hax, like certain other advice columnists, ought to get over the idea that we can solve all human problems by mothering people.The groom needs someone to lay down the law, and to explain to him the damage he is causing to his friendships-- and not just to the one with his second family. His weak acquiescence is a major character flaw-- apparently it has something to do with the fact that his own family did not especially care to feed him.

If she is going to say anything to the groom she can say that his behavior is appalling and that he owes his best friend an apology. If he does not have enough spine to stand by his own choice of best man, he is weak indeed. He should simply have told bridezilla that if Timmy is not the best man, there will be no wedding.

Even with no further intervention, the groom’s actions have and should put an end to a longstanding friendship. The fact that the son has refused to attend the wedding should be made known to all mutual acquaintances.  

Amazingly, the groom does not even care that more than a few of their mutual friends will be asking him why his best childhood friend is not in attendance at the wedding. He has been turned into a complete pussy-- reminding one of Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex.

I fear that Hax is correct to say that all discussions with the groom should leave bridezilla out of the picture. But, if there ever was a marriage that deserves to be aborted, this is the one.


Sam L. said...

The groom-to-be is a wuss. This is something up with which he should not put, but he will, only to regret it for the rest of his life, or until the divorce is final. And, maybe afterward, as well. (DON'T GET HER PREGNANT!)

urbane legend said...

What does this woman have pictures of him doing that a real man would agree to this? But as Sam L. pointed out, he isn't.

Anonymous said...

How on earth can the GROOM allow his fiance to dictate who his best man is ??????????????

Sam L. said...

What is the song with the line, "Let's call the whole thing off"?