Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Better Orgasms for College Coeds

Unfortunately, it’s not a joke. The University of Minnesota-Twin Cities is going to offer a seminar on the female orgasm.

It’s not part of a human biology program. It’s more a how-to program, something that is designed to help women to have more, better orgasms.

Of course, you’re asking yourself how it’s possible that anyone does not know how to orgasm any more. In the unlikely event that these coeds haven’t seen any porn, the world is awash with instruction manuals for women.

“Orgasm aficionados and beginners of all genders are welcome to come learn about everything from multiple orgasms to that mysterious G-spot,” reads the description posted on the school’s official events calendar.

If you were concerned that America’s universities were not providing students with the skills they will need to get the good engineering and technology jobs that are out there, fear not.

Female students will be able to console themselves with more, better orgasms. Male students will revel in the knowledge that they now possess advanced skills in giving women mind-blowing orgasms.

Of course, this means that these male students have learned nothing from all the porn they watch. It’s so hard to believe.

As it happens, the UMTC event is not an anomaly. The instructors have offered this event it at hundreds of venues across the country. Many have been universities.

No one is against orgasms, but still, is it appropriate for a public university to be running how-to seminars on the orgasmic potential of coeds. Doesn't the word “decadence” immediately come to mind?

Naturally, the sponsors declare it to be empowering-- because modern women will do some very strange things if they believe that it is empowering-- but do you really believe reducing women to their orgasmic potential is respectful?

The experts suggest that nothing embarrasses them,-- I take it as a character flaw—so they will happily be offering a lesson in gross anatomy. Will anyone walk away with her dignity intact? And will anyone’s sex life really be improved by listening to a public lecture where the female body will be laid bare… in the interest of orgasms.

The seminar is going to be conducted by Marshall Miller and Kate Weinberg.

I couldn’t find a picture of Kate, but Marshall Miller was once photographed with another sexpert, one Dorian Solot. For your edification:

I don’t want to be any more unkind than I usually am, but seriously, would you ever want to learn anything from these two? Do they look like the picture of emotional serenity?

If Miller and Sobol are living witnesses to what mind-blowing orgasms do to you, most sensible people will never want to have another orgasm. 


David Foster said...

As I mentioned yesterday in a very different context..


...too many people today believe you can't do ANYTHING correctly unless you've been trained to do it by some university program.

Kath said...

Those two look like caricatures of children's television show hosts. Familiar figures college kids were raised with and can relate to.
They may look funny to us but their teachings are not. Crossing a person's intimate boundaries is an aggressive act.

Private acts and communications are being destroyed. The most intimate details of our lives are becoming the domain of the public. This leads to the destruction of the individual.

Pass the Gravy said...

Co-ed 1: I developed a condition where each time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

Coed 2: Yikes! Are you taking anything for it?

Coed 1: Pepper.

Stuart Schneiderman said...

Excellent, thank you.

Sam L. said...

I read "It’s not part of a human biology program..." as human bondage.
University of Kinkiness, I guess.

Don't know if the pic does either of them justice, but...not favorable, fer sure.

Anonymous said...

This is all remarkably silly.

Charles Runels said...
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