Saturday, February 17, 2018

Apple Employees Keep Walking Into Walls

The Masters of the Tech Universe are better than you and I. They hold to the most correct political opinions. If they are multibillionaires they also consider themselves to be great philosophers, serious thinkers.

The Masters of the Tech Universe also possess a far more sophisticated aesthetic. They show off their aesthetic in their products, as Apple does, and they also do it in constructing office spaces, as Apple also did. The new Apple headquarters brings the vision of Steve Jobs to life.

Keep in mind, the new complex is called a campus. It means that Applers do not just want to see themselves as vulgar manufacturers selling a product. No, my friends, they want to see themselves as serious thinkers, as members of the intellectual elite, the guardian class that will run our lives for us. 

Do any of them understand that today’s American universities are mired in terminal dysfunction… that, with the exception of STEM fields,  they have become indoctrination mills that force students to think the most politically correct thoughts? Why would anyone want to emulate the example of American universities?

The new Apple Campus is, if nothing else, transparent. It is all glass all the time, inside and out.  What could possible go wrong?

Well, members of the super sophisticated Apple team keep walking into the glass. Bam. Bang. Yikes. Tell me that you don’t find this amusing.

Time Magazine has the story.

The centerpiece of Apple Inc.’s new headquarters is a massive, ring-shaped office overflowing with panes of glass, a testament to the company’s famed design-obsessed aesthetic.

There’s been one hiccup since it opened last year: Apple employees keep smacking into the glass.

Surrounding the Cupertino, California-based building are 45-foot tall curved panels of safety glass. Inside are work spaces, dubbed “pods,” also made with a lot of glass. Apple staff are often glued to the iPhones they helped popularize. That’s resulted in repeated cases of distracted employees walking into the panes, according to people familiar with the incidents.

Why do they keep walking into glass walls? Their eyes are glued to their iPhones. If you don’t find this amusing, you have no sense of humor.

Some staff members have tried a low tech solution… it was rejected for ruining the aesthetic:

Some staff started to stick Post-It notes on the glass doors to mark their presence. However, the notes were removed because they detracted from the building’s design, the people said. They asked not to be identified discussing anything related to Apple. Another person familiar with the situation said there are other markings to identify the glass.

Apple’s latest campus has been lauded as an architectural marvel. The building, crafted by famed architect Norman Foster, immortalized a vision that Apple co-founder Steve Jobs had years earlier. In 2011, Jobs reportedly described the building “a little like a spaceship landed.” Jobs has been credited for coming up with the glass pods, designed to mix solo office areas with more social spaces.

Remember the old saw about the best laid plans? Remember the old adage about how pride goeth before destruction? Is this all a sign that the Applers have overreached? Does it mean that they believe so fervently in their own genius that they have detached from practical considerations? Does it mean anything that they keep walking into glass walls? Time will tell.


whitney said...

So, so funny! I think I will be able to just think about that and start laughing. Hahaha

James said...

Oh the metaphors. Apparently being semi divine isn't the expected (ahem) cakewalk as advertised.

Sam L. said...

"The new Apple Campus is, if nothing else, transparent. It is all glass all the time, inside and out. What could possible go wrong?" I trust the restrooms have frosted glass exteriors. Or are covered with Post-It Notes.

James said...

Post-it notes HAHAHAH! I like that. I bet none of them are higher than 1'-8'"

Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCD said...


Sam L. said...

"OOpsy", IAC? How oopsy?

Ares Olympus said...

Stuart: The Masters of the Tech Universe are better than you and I.

Pronoun lesson for the day? I was thinking that should say "...better than you and me" but apparently not, or partly they are both right. ("than I" is for formal writing.)

The trick for clarity I remembered was to take out a second pronoun, "you", and see which sounds right, but that didn't clearly work for my ear in this case. So maybe I have to also try inserting "am" after the "I" and if that works at all, then "I" alone can also work. (although here it would be rather "you and I are"!)
..."than I am" is the most common form in formal writing. The reason is that probably all English speakers consider it acceptable, while there is a certain amount of controversy surrounding the other two.

..."than me" is the most common form in spoken language and also the second most common one in English literature, so it can hardly be considered wrong. Don’t be afraid to use it. That’s just how the language developed.

..."than I" has been traditionally understood as a short way of saying “smarter than I am”.