Sunday, December 27, 2009

It Just Wasn't Meant To Be

A while back I confessed to being a fan of relationship coach Jag Carrao. Link here.

Now, having read two recent posts about relationship lies women tell themselves, I am even more of a fan. Links here and here.

Carrao is concerned that women have fallen into the habit of telling themselves lies about why their relationships are not working. In her view they feed off the false hope that these lies engender.

In her words: "These myths may feel comfy, but by insulating us from sometimes unpleasant realities, they undermine our ability to make rational decisions based on complete information, thus sabotaging our long-term romantic goals."

Of course, women tell these lies to keep hope alive, to try to sustain a relationship that is not working, to avoid the clear signs that it is going nowhere, and, above all else, not to have to feel rejected.

Or so everyone thinks. A very popular book and movie has suggested that women suffer because they cannot face the cold, hard truth that: "he's just not that into you."

Clearly, the authors have a point here. No one wants to embrace rejection, and no one wants to rush toward it when there might be other explanations for the rejecting behavior.

And yet, rejection implies fault, and I suspect that we would all be better off if we found a better way for people to make more rational decisions about their relationships.

As it happens, the good old days offer a suggestion. What if the relationship is not working because it just wasn't meant to be. It is one thing for a woman to have to feel that he is just not that into her, thus that he is rejecting her, but quite another for her to accept that the two of them were just not meant to be together.

Perhaps there are places where it is possible to make it work, but relationships do not seem to be one of those places.

No comments: