Saturday, December 9, 2017

Fornicating with Ghosts

If you are a woman and are fed up with men, here’s a solution. Instead of trying or even wanting to have sex with one of those appalling creatures, why not hook up with ghosts. That’s what Amethyst Realm—apparently her real name—did. Don't you think that with a name like that, ghosts would find you especially attractive?

But, Amethyst managed to have sex with 20—count ‘em—ghosts… and therefore was slut-shamed by a judgmental male. One imagines that women would have also slut-shamed her... for keeping all of the ghosts to herself. Don’t we live in the age of oversharing.

Of course, it all sounds like a hoax, but, since in days of yore women—aka witches—were fornicating with devils-- don't ask he how I know-- why not ghosts? Besides, we do not want to be judgmental.

Amethyst Realm, a 27-year-old Brit, is getting slut-shamed for claiming to have had sex with at least 20 ghosts — whom she purportedly prefers to living men.

Realm, from Bristol, England, went on the British TV show “ITV This Morning” on Thursday to discuss her out-of-body-on-body experiences. She says it all began in 2005, when she moved into a haunted home with her then-fiancé.

“It started as an energy, then became physical,” she says. “There was pressure on my thighs and breath on my neck. I just always felt safe. I had sex with the ghost. You can feel it. It’s difficult to explain,” she says.

Realm continued this supernatural affair for three years, but had to end it when she got caught by her husband (she claims he saw a shadowy shape of a man on top of her).

Since that first steamy supernatural encounter, Realm says she’s hooked up with at least 20 ghosts.

When she told her story on television, the host suggested that it was a bit of a slutty thing to do. The Huffington Post called him out for slut-shaming her. What would we do without the HuffPost.

And yet, an astute commentator pointed out that, if it started 12 years ago and if she is now 27, well that means that she was engaged to marry and also her first ghost when she was 15:

“She had a fiancé at 15?” writes one HuffPost commentator. “Is she originally from Alabama?”

Obviously, she needs to sue the ghosts for pedophilia, if not sexual harassment:

“Tune in next week [when] she accuses them of sexual harassment and sues them. #shewantsachecktoo,” writes another.

The licensed, credentialed therapist declared that the woman was hallucinating. One can only wonder how she knows.


James said...

It's almost a Python skit.

Sam L. said...

Ectoplasmic Orgasms!!! Sounds like it should have been a story in the National Enquirer! Or a Brit tabloid.

Jack Fisher said...

Every day is a Renaissance Fair for the average Wicken.