The Impossible Burger

Here’s a story to brighten up your New Year. It’s about what is called “the impossible whopper.” It is being sold by Burger King as a vegan alternative to the regular all-American wholesome meat filled whopper.

As reported by veterinarian Dr. James Stangle:

​The impossible whopper is being advertised by Burger King as a plant based alternative to the whopper. When food manufacturers started talking about making artificial meat, I, too, thought it would be impossible to make a hamburger cheaply enough to make it competitive.

I will leave it to you to traipse through the nutritional comparisons between the impossible burger and the real thing.

I will only share the following piece of relevant information. If, perchance, you are of the male persuasion, you should know that the impossible burger is going to juice you up with estrogen, that is, with a female sex hormone.

The more estrogen a male takes the more he will lose his masculine characteristics and start having female characteristics. If he thinks he is really a woman, by the transgender calculus, the impossible burger should be part of his self-mutilation program. If he does not want to become an ersatz woman, he might be surprised to find himself growing breasts. 

Stangle explains:

Now, let’s compare the estrogen hormone in an impossible whopper to the whopper made from hormone implanted beef. The impossible whopper has 44 mg of estrogen and the whopper has 2.5 ng of estrogen. Now let me refresh your metric system. There are 1 million nanograms (ng) in one milligram (mg). That means an impossible whopper has 18 million times as much estrogen as a regular whopper. Just six glasses of soy milk per day has enough estrogen to grow boobs on a male. That’s the equivalent of eating four impossible whoppers per day. You would have to eat 880 pounds of beef from an implanted steer to equal the amount of estrogen in one birth control pill.

So, if you were worrying that the new veganism was a plot to neuter American males, you were right. It’s not just a nature cult, it’s a biochemical plot designed to turn men soft and feminine.

Buyer beware!