Monday, March 4, 2019

Is It Real Or Is It The Onion?

Is it real or is it The Onion? Did it happen or did someone make it up? 

Here is the story, with all the details.

An unemployed millennial—how many other kinds are there?—wanted to go to yoga class. Being 30 years old she was living with her mother. She asked her mother to drive her to yoga class. Her mother refused.

What did the well mannered and polite woman, named Holly Albert do? Why, she threw her cell phone at her mother… aiming at her mother’s head. And her aim was good. The phone hit her mother, causing significant material damage to said cranial envelope. Bleeding profusely, said mother called the police. After a seemingly endless investigation, Holly Alpert was arrested for assault.

You can’t make this stuff up. Because it really did happen, in Potomac, Maryland. Here is the story, not from The Onion, but from the Daily Mail:

A 30-year-old woman has been arrested for throwing a phone at her mother's head because she wouldn't drive her to a yoga class. 

Holly Albert, who is unemployed, has been charged with second-degree assault over the bloody incident at her family home in Potomac, Maryland.

Albert, who was only arrested last month despite the incident occurring 18 months ago, left her mother bleeding profusely from the head following the ordeal.

Her mother had called 911 to report the domestic violence incident.

Police arrived to find the mother wearing a blood-soaked shirt with her hair matted down, according to court documents obtained by ABC7.

She told officers that Albert had wanted to go to a yoga class but she became furious when she refused to drive her daughter there. 

Albert allegedly started shouting insults before grabbing the house phone and throwing it at her mother's head. 

Her mother suffered a huge cut on her head that caused a 'large amount of bleeding'.

She used that same phone to call 911 while her daughter left the house.  

It restores your faith in human nature. It also restores your faith in America’s millennial generation. Our future is in the best of hands.

For the record, here is a photo of Holly Albert. As the old saying goes, she's dangerous when wet:

Holly Albert, 30, has been charged with second-degree assault after throwing a house phone at her mother's head in Potomac, Maryland


UbuMaccabee said...

Holly will make a fine 3rd wife in the post-apocalyptic kingdom I govern. She will learn to control her emotional manifestations.

Sam L. said...

Can you say, "Vile Child", boys and girls? Yes, I KNEW you could.
Ub, you're gonna want shackles and chains to restrain her. And no see-thru clothing; you'll want her swaddled in black.

Dan Patterson said...

As long as she swaddled the color is of no consequence.