Monday, June 29, 2020

Constant Criticism Kills

Here’s some news you can use. Or not.

As you know, therapy culture mavens are constantly and irritatingly telling you to express your feelings, openly, honestly and shamelessly. If something someone does irritates you, let them know. It is good to criticize, complain, carp, nag and otherwise find fault with your mate or even your partner. Presumably it is going to help them to self-improve.

As happens with most therapy culture nostrums, this one is bad for your health. Well, not exactly bad for your health, but certainly it is bad for the health of the poor sap you are complaining about all the time. Not only is it bad for his health; it is likely to kill him. It’s called, death by a thousand cuts.

One does not know, from the way the report is summarized in The Daily Mail which spouse is more likely to criticize the other. One suspects that those of the female persuasion are more likely to find fault. After all, what good was all that feminism if it did not teach women how to tear down patriarchal pretense.

So, better not to share your brilliant analysis of your mate’s faults. Remember that Aristotle said that friends see the best in their friends. Assuming that your mate still counts as a friend, try seeing his or her best, and ignoring his or her faults. The more you carp on his or her faults the more likely he or she will die, sooner. Besides, if he or she has so many faults, what kind of fool would marry him or her.

The Daily Mail reports:

It’s not always easy to bite your tongue in a long-term relationship. But pointing out your other half’s faults could send them to an early grave, a study suggests.

It found older people who reported higher levels of criticism in their partnerships were significantly more likely to die within the following five years.

In fact, those who were criticised the most were more than twice as likely to be dead when researchers followed up with them half a decade later than those who were criticised the least.

The effect was the same for men and women alike, and independent of factors such as whether a person had other close family or friends. Lead author Professor Jamila Bookwala said frequent criticism can put damaging stress on the body.

How was the study conducted?

They were asked about their relationships, including how often they felt their partner criticised them. Answers were given on a three-point sliding scale – with one meaning ‘hardly ever or never’, two meaning ‘some of the time’, and three meaning ‘often’. With every unit increase in the response scale, the risk of the person being dead when researchers followed up increased significantly.

‘So those who indicated they were criticised “often” had a 44 per cent higher risk of being deceased five years later compared with those who indicated they were criticised “some of the time” and the same is true when comparing those who said they were “hardly ever or never” criticised and those who were criticised sometimes,’ said Professor Bookwala.

Of course, now that you know this, it might also provide you with a new weapon, to use against your hapless spouse. On the other hand, your hapless spouse, facing a barrage of criticism, might very well choose to fight back or to walk away.

While we are on the point, consider the fact that our current president has been under direct attack, via criticism, harassment and verbal assault, every day since he won the election, almost on an hourly basis. Yet, none dare call it sedition. Clearly, he has chosen to fight back, which is not necessarily a bad approach. But still, what effect do you think that this is having on his ability to do his job? 


Sam L. said...

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, Trump makes the Dems CRRRRRRRRAAAAAZY. I'm pretty certain he's LOVIN" it.

urbane legend said...

As Sam L. says, I think our President loves it. He has done a good job leading while his opponents are meeting in dark rooms wailing and gnashing their teeth. Let us pray it continues and drives many of them to the ultimate conclusion. No, not that one; the retire quickly and disappear from public view forever one.

LordSomber said...

Criticism that isn't constructive is simply nagging, which I've no time for.