Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Black Bear Emulates Biden; Is Summarily Castrated

By the laws of human nature people tend to emulate their leaders. They emulate their good habits and they even emulate their bad habits.

It’s not just people. The natural world tends to emulate politicians, too. You recall when President Obama assured us that once he was elected the oceans would cease rising and the earth would heal. Obama's cool would solve the global warming problem. Right?

Now, the world entire and even Nature herself is preparing for a Biden presidency. The polls tell us that a Biden victory is assured, and it is never too early to prepare.

Among Crazy Joe's salient qualities and notable habits is, you recall, hair sniffing. No one seems to talk about it any more, but Biden developed the habit of walking up behind unsuspecting females, some as young as thirteen, and sticking his nose in their hair. Naturally, our great media minds see no problem in this. 

Feminists who are screeching in outrage over rape culture cannot recognize a simulated rape when they see it. Of course, they will support a man who is running for hair-sniffer in chief. Not one of the commentators, even including those on Fox News, has remarked the salient fact, that a woman’s hair is saturated with pheromones, i.e. sexual attraction hormones. Obviously, there are other forms of sniffing fetishes, but, being as this is a family blog, I will refrain from describing them.

We aren’t quite at the point where we need a Hair Sniffers Anonymous Twelve Step program, but November might push us in that direction.

Meantime, a black bear in Mexico has gotten on the Biden train. Yes, that’s a real black bear in real Mexico. It’s as though the natural world was rising up to emulate Crazy Joe. In the case of said black bear, it has gotten into the habit of rising up on its hind legs, in an excellent Biden imitation, and sniffing the hair of an unsuspecting female-- non-consensually.

The bear weights over 200 lbs, but, all things considered, it must be many time stronger than your average 200 lb. human.

Local animal-loving officials decided that it was time to move the bear away from humans. And before they did so, for reasons that are not entirely clear, they castrated the poor animal. Just think, castration as the punishment for emulating Crazy Joe Biden.

Anyway, the New York Post has this important story:

A “friendly bear” was castrated in Mexico after he sniffed a woman’s hair, according to a report.

The operation was performed on the male black bear after video circulated last month of him getting close to the woman at Chipinque Ecological Park in San Pedro Garza García, BBC reported.

Footage showed the wild animal — who is known by locals as the “friendly bear” — approaching the woman and sniffing her hair as she took a selfie with him.

Officials said they decided to castrate and relocate the animal over concerns that he has become too accustomed to humans.

The bear, which weighs 212 pounds, was captured by officials from the federal environmental protection agency after nearby residents alerted them to the animal sleeping in their backyard.

The bear is now neutered. That’s one less sexist bear we need to worry about. Welcome to the Age of Biden.


urbane legend said...

That’s one less sexist bear we need to worry about. Welcome to the Age of Biden.

Now that the Kennedys are dead, all of the dems are sexless bears. Look at Portland, Seattle, Cuomo pleading.

Oh, sexist. Never mind.

Sam L. said...

I have been missing out! I didn't sniff my first wife's hair, nor my second wife's hair, nor my daughter's. I missed that bus. Oh, well, too late for me to change.

Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCD said...

Wait 'til you see what President Kamala Harris will do. Castration is only the beginning of her imagination.

Giordano Bruno said...

The bear was not castrated for sniffing hair, it was castrated because elite Chinese party members wished to eat the bear's testicles to develop potency and power. The narcos happily obliged in exchange for new RPG technology.